Last year my good friend, Amy (@Backseatwriter) wrote her One Word 2011 post for New Year’s Day. I didn’t. I wrote a post, yes, reflecting on my year past and the things I hoped to change in Reflections: A Year Past and A Year Ahead. In my post I had hoped that my 2011 would be brighter and filled with less of the stress, anxiety, negativity, pain and bitterness that overshadowed 2010 .It seemed each day was filled with dread – dread of each day at work, more bad news, more ho hum days, grim, grey and faithless. Looking back on my 2010 reflections, I suppose “trust” should’ve been my One Word 2011.

Not that 2011 was uneventful, no it was filled with a lot of events. Unbelievable events, uncertainty, and many questions filled 2011.  I claimed faith and trust in my Savior at the beginning of the year:

“And though it seems cold and solitary – my Saviour walks with me.
This year, this journey – I have no idea what lies ahead on this road.
I have to take it and I have to rely on my faith and communion with my God to make the journey…

I know that I will look and I will see the miracles, the grace, the joys and the hope.
Through the hard times and the pain – I will still see Him and I will rejoice.
I know I won’t understand everything but I haven’t given up and I know I am not ready to.
During this “new year” I am determined to rely on my faith and my God to guide my steps.

I am hoping and praying for a better year or a better way to handle what comes.
I truly hope and pray for a blessed 2011!”

I had no idea that I would have to trust God – I said I would trust Him and He guided me through life changing emotional pain, emergency surgery, cancer, medical bills, more surgery, renewed faith, relationships and He is still holding my hand. As of December 19th – my health is still of concern to my doctors, I am ending 2011 with uncertainty, about my health and wellness.

So this year I am claiming my “health” – yes, my physical, emotional and spiritual health. I am claiming it in the name of God. I feel like my trust came with faith and my health will come with happiness and abundance. No matter how dark the days seem, I have this irrepressible hope that remains. So I claim my health and happiness and my faith, trust and hope shall remain as I enter this year of uncertainty.

I claim my health for 2012. What are you claiming for this coming year? What is your ONE WORD 2012?

Have a blessed New Year! In Jesus’ name! May He bless you always!

My eyes are cast down. My spirits are in limbo. Neutral, disenchantment, stagnant – I gaze ahead  with no focus, oblivious to any thing outside my line of vision. I feel like a cloud of dread has hovered over me. A bubble of doom. A grey shroud of “bad luck” has held me idle in my misery. There is no looking ahead, no hopeful prayers or wishes. The waiting has driven me crazy. I have wallowed in this madness for weeks. I have tried to control things that are beyond the realm of possibilities.

Yesterday, anxious with things left undone and worry of what to do, I prayed. I asked God what do you want me to do? What should I do? Should I make those phone calls? Should I wait? Should I sit back a neglect things to be done? How late in the day is too late? Confused and upset. I dialed the phone. One call after the other reminded me again – I am not in control of any of this. I relinquished any and all thoughts and I walked away. Literally, I walked away from the phone.

At that moment my answers would come. One by one the phone calls came, my loose ends were beginning to secure themselves. I walked away, I gave up control and I waited. My relief had come in some form of answers and accomplishments. Last night I was able to rest my mind a bit.

This morning, I decided to sit outside in the sun and have my coffee. As I gazed out at the line of trees in the front yard, I noticed the lush green leaves. Its like they appeared over night and I never noticed. My focus has been at eye level and focused on too many negative things. The words that came to mind at that moment were “Look Up”. Look foward and away from the things that are keeping you bound to misery and negativity. Look at the crisp blue sky, feel the fresh crisp breeze and behold the beauty outside of the walls that you have made. Stop focusing on all the negative things that are consuming you and look up – look to God, surrender to His Will – He will take care of you.

Here’s to looking to God and yielding to His Will.
Love and Prayers,

Okay, so I am not hiding out…lately. I am accepting things as they come…but I am still anxiously waiting for some relief to all this madness.

After and upside down week, some changes have been made things are going better and I am “trusting” that I am not being naive about events, should they arise. I am waiting for the calm cool spring to show its face and stay, so I can bask in the warm sun. I know the rain will come I am just trying to be prepared for it. I pray that I can be not “better” but more aware, more thoughtful, more insightful, more meaningful as a person, a woman, a friend, a sister, a daughter, a writer, a girlfriend, a teacher and a child of God.

I am walking on eggshells, as I walk through the valley, yet God is holding my hand and yet I still am weary that I can make it through.

Keep praying. Keep trusting.

Ah yes, Friday. Its your favorite day of the week too, isn’t it? 🙂 Yes, I like to say that I am best friends with Friday, Saturday and Sunday! I don’t know why. It’s just something I say.

But lately, Friday has just been another day filled with fiascos, faux pas and freak incidents. You may wonder why am I including this in Sundays’ Sentiments – well I now think I may have a Friday phobia – not just Friday the 13th – just end of the week debacles that seem to be repeating themselves. Why? I don’t know. But I wish it would stop. Seriously.

A few months back, I saw the financial need to take on another job. The fall season was setting in and the hours were getting fewer and fewer. That was even a stressful time as well – there were many many things happening at that time – and interviewing for a new job was the last thing I had the energy for. But I did it anyway – scared at how I was going to do it all (three blogs, kids books, cakes, and three part-time jobs) – I took on even more responsibility. I was hoping that my family and friends would be of support in this time of transition and new experiences.

There were times when I was just so tired that I could do nothing else but just collapse. This schedule took a long time to get used to – early mornings, long – busy days, short nights. The weekends and FRIDAY were my only respite and release and they turned into insane, task filled, (sometimes fun-filled), stressful, angry, rushed fiascos and faux pas. I was becoming so tightly wound that I could feel it building.

After a few Fridays, filled with wasted time, headaches, groggy mornings, computer crashes, and freak accidents I lost it. Yes, last Friday – I lost it, along with all of my computers hard disk information. I was devastated, emotionally drained, tired, and I lost my composure, control and collective attitude. It was building for a while and I had a meltdown. It was too much and time for a fresh start. Sometimes you just have to start over. Sometime you just have to give up the reins and let someone else handle the situations – Let go and let GOD!

"....soar on wings, like eagles...."

It’s hard to know how to handle these intensely stressful situations with a calm, collective and mature attitude. That only comes from God – yes I need fruit – the fruits of the spirit come to mind here. However, it is still draining. It still takes time to recover from these kinds of situations. But it didn’t kill me, it may have made me stronger – and wiser to remember to back up files ;-)! I will get through it and remember to take that time to just “be”. Be still and know that God is near and hear Him calling. I hope and pray that I can enter Friday’s with fresh eyes, full spirit of joy and faith and trust – at least until the next meltdown – I know it will probably happen again ( I know “oh ye, of little faith” but I know me of little faith sometimes) but I know when the time comes I will hear him saying – just “be still and know that I am God.” Just be. Be what? Be you. Be the you that I created you to be! ” For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

I know that when I cannot pray I hold onto certain verses for comfort and healing this past few weeks has been rough and all I could do was read this over and over.

Romans 8:28 The Message
Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

What is your prayer? What is your plea? What do you do when you lose control? I pray that you look to God and call on His name?