57378056794__e3d544b1-d854-417b-84fd-2d28bd813918.jpgLent – from the Middle English – Lente or springtime. The time between Ash Wednesday and Easter – associated with prayer, fasting and almsgiving. The purpose? To turn away from those things that keep us from Christ, fast and pray come closer to the broken Christ. BE broken as he was broken and give through your brokenness, the abundance that you receive.

How fitting that I should come to finally read through The Broken Way by Ann Voskamp, as I had a hard time trying to decide what to “give up” for Lent.

See I love the power and peace of prayer, fasting is second nature to intuitive eating or moderation and giving is a lifestyle – maybe it comes easier for some. Do little things with great love. St Therese of Lisieux.

However, less than two weeks before Ash Wednesday I received the news that my second pregnancy was not viable – I had lost my twins – my second miscarriage in nine months. What do you give up when it seems like you’ve already lost so much? What can I give to others when it seems that I need so much care and attention? How in the world am I going to get through these forty days? How can I look forward to Eastertide when I am in so much sorrow? Last year it was so easy – I found out I was pregnant right after Easter 2018 – what a great start to the spring season. And yet less than 10 weeks later sadness crept in as the news settled upon me…the pregnancy wasn’t going to be successful.

I have no answers. All I know is that my heart is broken in pieces, I am broken…in mourning…HOW? How do you grieve the life of little ones you’ve never met, held or felt?  How do I give my brokenness away? Who wants it? I feel like a dark cloud, a plague…a bad luck charm. I want to rise above this suffering….but I can’t. Not yet. Not until….I don’t know when.


….I don’t know when my heart will beat again, feel again, be full again and give again. I must walk this road of loss and suffering again but I don’t want to…I don’t want to.

In Love and Loss, Sorrow and Joy,

Always, In Christ.





I sit here weary and tired (since surgery – I get tired) and wondering where did the Lenten season go? Where has this past year gone? It has been so tumultuous since 2011 arrived. There have been many issues since January. And as Easter Sunday approaches I am bittersweet. I have missed Sundays hands raised in worship and singing in the choir. Wondering what does this all mean? What do I mean? Do I matter? Do I make a difference?

No matter how humble, everyone wants to know that they are loved and they do matter. I have been feeling like this for a long time. After a major life change and move four years ago things have remained unsettled, unfinished, unfocused and chaotic. I have been so disenchanted with church but earnestly seeking God with all my heart – even when it is hard as hell. And it has been really hard this past few years trying to find my focus, meaning and purpose. There are those times when I feel disconnected and far away from my Lord. But I know that HE is there, in every small moment, I can see His Wonderous works.

I can see where, I have gotten ahead of myself I have not let the hand of God work over my life in awesome ways. I get in the way, ALWAYS. And before I know it time has passed and I am clueless as to how I got there. Its nuts. I know I need to slow down, I know I can’t be perfect, I know I need to reflect, refresh and relish all the mysteries that are before me. I pray that I can turn my disenchantment into joy and purpose. Learning to live joyously, full of love and life is harder than it seems. Learning to” live like you belong to God” is one very hard part of this journey of faith.

This Easter I pray that I (and you) can find that part of you that feels worthy to be called HIS and find that you do matter to the Father, you do belong to GOD. I also pray that I will see others as HIS and learn to appreciate all that is God’s. To new life, new hope, new journey – may you be transformed by Christ’s Resurrection.

Happy Easter! Much love and Many Blessings,