Last year my good friend, Amy (@Backseatwriter) wrote her One Word 2011 post for New Year’s Day. I didn’t. I wrote a post, yes, reflecting on my year past and the things I hoped to change in Reflections: A Year Past and A Year Ahead. In my post I had hoped that my 2011 would be brighter and filled with less of the stress, anxiety, negativity, pain and bitterness that overshadowed 2010 .It seemed each day was filled with dread – dread of each day at work, more bad news, more ho hum days, grim, grey and faithless. Looking back on my 2010 reflections, I suppose “trust” should’ve been my One Word 2011.

Not that 2011 was uneventful, no it was filled with a lot of events. Unbelievable events, uncertainty, and many questions filled 2011.  I claimed faith and trust in my Savior at the beginning of the year:

“And though it seems cold and solitary – my Saviour walks with me.
This year, this journey – I have no idea what lies ahead on this road.
I have to take it and I have to rely on my faith and communion with my God to make the journey…

I know that I will look and I will see the miracles, the grace, the joys and the hope.
Through the hard times and the pain – I will still see Him and I will rejoice.
I know I won’t understand everything but I haven’t given up and I know I am not ready to.
During this “new year” I am determined to rely on my faith and my God to guide my steps.

I am hoping and praying for a better year or a better way to handle what comes.
I truly hope and pray for a blessed 2011!”

I had no idea that I would have to trust God – I said I would trust Him and He guided me through life changing emotional pain, emergency surgery, cancer, medical bills, more surgery, renewed faith, relationships and He is still holding my hand. As of December 19th – my health is still of concern to my doctors, I am ending 2011 with uncertainty, about my health and wellness.

So this year I am claiming my “health” – yes, my physical, emotional and spiritual health. I am claiming it in the name of God. I feel like my trust came with faith and my health will come with happiness and abundance. No matter how dark the days seem, I have this irrepressible hope that remains. So I claim my health and happiness and my faith, trust and hope shall remain as I enter this year of uncertainty.

I claim my health for 2012. What are you claiming for this coming year? What is your ONE WORD 2012?

Have a blessed New Year! In Jesus’ name! May He bless you always!

I haven’t posted anything in a while. I’ve been a jumble of nerves and busy with appointments, phone calls and finances. Funny, I never said work – work is where I feel most at ease and my mind is at rest.

Work
 I went back to work earlier last week to spend time doing what I do best – working with children. I love my job. I love being part of the lives of little ones who have their whole life before them. I have the opportunity to be a part of that – a big part – and it’s an amazing opportunity. I lead and they follow – yet they are fearless at every opportunity and they live in the moment. I have spent the past 6 months so wrapped up in the busy-ness of the day, that I missed the joy, the meaning, the importance. I missed God and the blessings in it. I am so blessed to be back at work and I enjoy it more now than ever.

Health
As far as my health goes – I feel that being part of my regular routine has helped – I feel good, a little tired but more normal and blessed. I know it seemed simple, I even took for granted that it was a routine health issue. But it isn’t the end – it is a beginning and I have to accept it. I have cancer. I said it. I’m not giving up nor am I  going to let it define me. The treatment, however, is kind of drastic and major. Yet I am less fearful….but not fearless.

Did I shut down? Yes. Did I and do I cry? Yes. I am human. Am I scared? Sure. I feel the surge of helplessness and hopelessness from time to time creep up and I know it will continue. I need all the faith I can muster and all the prayer that I can manage to get through this. I know it will be long and dark but I have to be ready to go this distance. I have to be ready to journey this dark road with my Savior.

Thanks Amy and Josh Wilson Music.

Thank you [everyone] for your prayers and thoughts,