The human body is a mystery, to many people – even some doctors, I imagine. God is a mystery as well. As some of you may know, via Twitter and Facebook, I had to make an unexpected trip to the hospital on Sunday, after a weekend of sudden stomach upset, sleeplessness and other strange symptoms.
I went in early morning, as the hospital ER can get quite backed up. I was taken back immediately and praying the whole time that I hadn’t wasted my time coming. I am never sick and I always feel like other people are in far more serious condition that I am. So I was just hoping that it was serious enough to justify a trip to the ER. I went through the usual tests and all. I had quite a difficult time eating, drinking and keeping anything down for the past few days, so I was given a saline IV. I also needed to drink much, much, much of this ‘yuck’ to prepare for a CAT Scan. It was difficult and just took a long time. After two hours I was ready to go down for my scan. I was worried/still that I had come for nothing. I waited in discomfort, praying that God had an answer for this strange string of events happening to me. My head swirled with worries and thoughts, Why is this happening? What caused this? etc etc.
After my scan the wait was not long – the doctors came by and indeed confirmed my suspicions. I had a perforated appendix and was going to be in surgery in the next hour or so. WOW. I knew after two days of pain, discomfort, sleeplessness and nausea that I must’ve had appendicitis. But why? There is no answer. I was just mad – mad that I was sick and had to be in the ER, mad that now I had to be out of work for two – three weeks and go into SURGERY for the first time ever. WAIT! WHOA! WHAT! I knew when I went in, I was just in denial and worried and focused on the after effects of the hospital stay – paperwork, medical bills, phone calls, follow-up appointments, work and being dependent on others for errands and such. This is just not me. I am the one who is focused, hardworking, never sick, go getter, up early and always doing something. I DON’T have time to be sick, let alone do this surgery and hospital stay thing. Come on really?
I know this is common and it happens a lot – but I wasn’t thinking it would happen. No one does. Admittedly, the symptoms were going on since Friday night and I told the doctor I was going to wait another day to come in and they were glad I hadn’t waited any longer. I remember praying all night Sat – Sun for the pain to pass and go away and now I was glad that it had led me to the hospital. My denial and procrastination would have led to more serious illness and prolonged hospital stay. I still have no idea why God allowed this to disrupt and come into my life and why now when I needed to get so many things done.
I am here, home, healing, waiting, trusting and at the mercy of the mysteries that God had put before me. And I still have no idea why. I know I need to wait and trust God and not try to always figure things out. I am at His mercy, His will and waiting and hoping that something meaningful will come out of all of this.
Lots of Love and Prayers,
Shari
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I haven’t posted anything in a while. I’ve been a jumble of nerves and busy with appointments, phone calls and finances. Funny, I never said work – work is where I feel most at ease and my mind is at rest.
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